Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize