You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
