How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
