What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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