Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
