just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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