i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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