Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
