he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
