Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
