She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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