Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
