Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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