Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
