he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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