Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
