so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
