She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize