A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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