I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
