drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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