She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
