hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
