The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
