If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
