the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
