You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
