yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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