Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
