Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
