I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so that wasnt chicken after all
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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