I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
