I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
worst night to have a conscience
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
