I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
