I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize