...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
