He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
