Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize