Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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