He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
