I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
