He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
