im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
