im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
