What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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