There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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