I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
