Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
