Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
