my shit smells like andre
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
