I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
