doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
