Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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