While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
