Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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