he wants to bone in the snuggie
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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