Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize