i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
