Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want her autograph on my taint
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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