guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
