Plan B is the new Plan A
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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