just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
