Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
