You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
