Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
