The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
