So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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