Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if only i could text you this smell
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
