I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
