do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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