I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
