I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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