I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
