4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
