pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
