Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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