put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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