i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
