i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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